Nosce te Ipsum
by shannyfish
Summary: To trust someone after such betrayal is hard and Magnus finds it almost impossible to be able to trust Will after such pain and deception. Nevertheless, they have to push forward and pursue the leads they have and pray that they can save Ashley.
1. Now You Know

**Title:** Nosce te Ipsum

**Author:** Shannon – shannyfish

**Disclaimer:** I do not own "Sanctuary" or its characters, Syfy and other people do. This is merely for entertainment purposes only.

**Rating:** PG-13

**Summary:** To trust someone after such betrayal is hard and Magnus finds it almost impossible to be able to trust Will after such pain and deception. Nevertheless, they have to push forward and pursue the leads they have and pray that they can save Ashley.

Takes place after "Nova Vita".

**Warning:** Season 1-3 is fair for sure, if I have spoilers for 4, it's by complete accident.

**Author's Note:** Reviews are glorious! Okay, took a little while to get this first chapter going! Had to write my Sanctuary Secret Santa Fic first! Which will be posted after the first of the year! :D Plus, you know…holiday and travel and family drama…

. . .

**Chapter 1 – "Now You Know"**

Her mind spun as she continued to take in everything on the walls. She'd originally meant to get in and get out, but now…now she wanted all the information and they weren't running…not now…not after this.

Ashley.

Her precious daughter. Her firstborn child. She was still alive and out there. It seemed like a dream that she couldn't wake herself from. She hated to hope…again, but how could she not? There was so much right in front of her. It showed her so much of her daughter. Pictures she knew that had to have been taken in the present…

"How long do you think he's known?" Declan asked.

No one answered.

Will's office walls were absolutely papered in intel and photos. Some areas were layered. He had to have known for some time. How could he keep such a secret from her? Something so personal? Something so close to her heart? And how could he cause her so much pain? To keep Ashley's existence in the present world was hard enough, but he'd kept her and Olivia apart. She didn't understand it.

What had she done?

What horrible thing had she done to Will in order to take such wrath?

"Too long," she breathed.

She turned and found that pretty much everyone, but Declan was searching the walls. John still had Olivia safely in his arms and he had even taken to searching the papered walls. She couldn't blame him. This was quite a shock. For them both.

"You have to be prepared that she's not the Ashley you remember," Declan pointed out.

Helen nodded. "If her DNA is still altered, then we'll find a way to bring her here and we'll put things back. Back to the way they should be."

"You know I'm in," Tesla spoke up.

"I wouldn't be anywhere else," Druitt said.

"Ditto," Henry spoke up and motioned to Erika. "For both of us."

She noticed that Halia looked so distant right now. Bigfoot was keeping close to her. She was sure that he wanted to be nearby in case this was just too much. He'd always been such a good friend to her…and to Ashley and Henry. "Halia, I know this much be so much for you to take in…" Helen remembered when it had hit Halia when she'd first realized it was Ashley. Halia now had two sisters. Two sisters that were alive…the three girls would be able to grow up together and Helen prayed that they'd grow to be old together.

"Now you know," a voice said from behind them.

Helen and everyone else in the room turned towards it. She was thankful that John had moved nearby and still had Olivia; otherwise she feared that he would have killed Will in an instant. She'd been pondering the same move as well, but she couldn't bring herself to do it…at least not until she heard the words from his own mouth.

Nikola morphed into his vampire form in an instant and had Will up against a wall a moment later. Abby stood in the doorway in shock. Helen knew that if it wasn't her or John that someone else would move forward to do something. Anyone in that room (probably except Halia and Erika) would step forward to protect her. She knew that.

"Nikola," she said quietly as she moved closer to where Nikola had him pinned to the wall.

"Please," Abby begged. "Let him explain."

"Just let me snap his neck…" Nikola growled lowly as he kept Will in place.

Helen touched Nikola's shoulder gently. "Nikola, let him down." And on her command, Nikola dropped him, letting him fall to the ground in a heap. He growled and moved away from her as his hands found his hips. He would be irritated for a little bit, but they needed answers first.

"Thanks," Will muttered from the floor after coughing a bit to catch his breath.

She glared down at him. How much she hated how much she hated him in that moment. Helen had lived for two hundred and seventy-three years and in that time she'd had many protégés, but she'd had so much hope for Will…until he'd forced her away from her Olivia…twice. And to find he was hiding precious and valuable information that her eldest daughter was still out there and alive. Something that she'd only dreamed of, she'd stopped hoping after she'd laid her soul to rest.

"Get. Up. Explain," she commanded.

Slowly, Will rose to his feet, his back was still pressed to the wall. Everyone in the room had their eyes on him. "I've wanted to explain this, Magnus," Will started. "I swear." He held up his hands in defense. "I didn't mean to cause you so much pain."

"Is. She. Alive?" Helen questioned with gritted teeth. Waiting for the answer was all that could keep her from flooring him in that instant. She had to hear the confirmation for herself. It had to come from Will's lips. Nothing else mattered at this moment.

"Yes," Will responded.

Helen brought up her fist and knocked him into the wall and onto the floor. She'd held back. She heard Abby's gasp, but ignored her. She assumed that someone had grabbed her and stopped her from interfering. "Bastard," she breathed. Helen's voice rose slightly, her head raised as she turned and walked away from him. She stopped from a few steps and turned back towards Will, who was now nursing his jaw. Now she could see that Declan was holding Abby back.

"Why would you keep this from me?" she asked, trying to remain as calm as possible. "From all of us?"

"For Ashley's safety," Will told her. "If we were all on the search, we'd attract attention. That group that took you three…that wanted Olivia…they would have had a new target…and I honestly don't know what state Ashley's in. For all I know, she's still suffering from what the Cabal did to her…which would make her capture far more dangerous than yours or Olivia's."

"So, you would sacrifice my baby?" she snapped. Helen had been sure that Will wouldn't hand over Olivia to Smith, but now she wasn't so sure.

Abby struggled against Declan. "Olivia was safe, I promised you that."

"Abby's right. I purposely was trying to keep everyone safe," Will chimed in.

She shook her head and started to pace. "You thought that separating me from my newborn child was the best plan? Honestly?" Helen turned back to him. "You are…or were a psychologist when I brought you into the Sanctuary…I'm sure you know well enough the effects on especially the mother when such a traumatic event occurs."

"I knew you were strong, Magnus," Will said as he stared her down.

Nikola took a step towards her. "I honestly don't see how pushing her into a catatonic state helps anyone…"

"Steady Nikola," John said all too calmly as he moved up behind her. "Young William here obviously thinks of us as Gods… We can't die…or be damaged in any way…"

"Well, if he thinks we're Gods, then perhaps there is some brilliance in that damaged brain in his head," Nikola spoke up after a moment with a grin.

"So, you used Olivia and I as a distraction? That was your plan? To hurt Olivia and I? To dangle her in front of Smith and his people?" Magnus questioned.

Will shook his head. "It wasn't the plan at first. I had intel before you three were taken, but it didn't really start coming in until you'd all been missing for some time. I'd thought that they'd found Ashley and taken her as well."

"You know how difficult giving up hope to find Ashley…." Helen whispered as she stared downward. Flashes of the last time she'd seen Ashley, the look in her blue eyes right before she transported away with the other Cabal experiment and killed them both…or so they thought. "How could you take away Olivia? That joy from me?"

"It wasn't a snap decision," Will said. "And it wasn't something that I didn't struggle with…but at the time…all of you pushing back against me…to get Olivia and the Sanctuary back…it was the distraction I needed in order to find and detain Ashley for transport."

"So, we were all just pawns to you?" Henry spat.

Helen pulled in breath and tried to steady herself. He had wanted to find and detain Ashley for transport, but had he done it? Had he had the chance? If not, she and the others would pick up where Will left off. She'd bring her family together and restore peace in her soul and at her home.

"It wasn't a choice I was thrilled to make," Will tried to defend.

Helen felt so many emotions flooding through her. How she wished to be able to simply fall to the floor and cry, scream, and rejoice all at the same time. "It was never your choice to make in the first place," she said coldly. She looked straight at him. Helen didn't know this man, this man who betrayed her and broke her heart.

"Magnus, I didn't think it would ever go this far…"

"Where is my daughter? Where is Ashley?" she demanded. Helen moved closer to Will again. She'd beat the location out of him if she needed. She would have her eldest daughter back though.

"She's en route," Will tried to assure.

"She's not herself, though," Abby spoke up as she pulled away from Declan and moved to Will's side.

Will sighed. "I was going to tell you the moment that Ashley got here… I needed…all of you," he said as he looked around. "Ashley is going to need you."

Helen tried to hold her temper back. She tried to focus on the fact that she was free and her Olivia and her friends were free and that her Ashley would be at Old City Sanctuary soon. "I hope you understand that I can't trust you."

"You've kept things from me before," Will countered.

She shook her head once. Her voice was low and the pain and hurt which laced her voice was apparent. "Nothing like this…"

. . .

TBC…


	2. Brought Together

**Title:** Nosce te Ipsum

**Author:** Shannon – shannyfish

**Disclaimer:** I do not own "Sanctuary" or its characters, Syfy and other people do. This is merely for entertainment purposes only.

**Rating:** PG-13

**Summary:** To trust someone after such betrayal is hard and Magnus finds it almost impossible to be able to trust Will after such pain and deception. Nevertheless, they have to push forward and pursue the leads they have and pray that they can save Ashley.

Takes place after "Nova Vita".

**Warning:** Season 1-3 is fair for sure, if I have spoilers for 4, it's by complete accident.

**Author's Note:** Reviews are glorious! Okay, took a little while to get this first chapter going! Had to write my Sanctuary Secret Santa Fic first! Which will be posted after the first of the year! :D Plus, you know…holiday and travel and family drama…

. . .

**Chapter 2 – "Brought Together"**

She was still unconscious. It worried her slightly, but Helen knew that they'd drugged her on purpose. Ashley was still genetically the Cabal's experiment. They couldn't have her conscious and possibly causing mass havoc. They'd been through that before. It was almost unreal. Things had fallen somewhat back into place, but it still felt so wrong…

"She looks so small," John spoke up.

Everyone had originally gathered to see Ashley with their own eyes, but eventually most had left them alone. John was right, she did look small. She was sure it was because she was so vulnerable. "She's going to be better…" Helen said as she just stared ahead. She wrapped her arms around her, wishing she had Olivia, but instead she had handed her baby off to Halia who was nearby.

It was odd to her; this was close to the family that she'd seen in the alternate universe they'd landed in. She and John had little Olivia and they had Halia and Ashley back. Things were falling into place. It was just going to take time…

It always took time…

She should be used to it, right? Time passing by and things taking time… But she wasn't. She felt like being selfish in this moment. Helen wanted Ashley back to normal and she wanted to be able to just hug her daughter. Her first child was just lying there and at that moment, she couldn't do anything to help her.

"She's going to be okay though, right?" Halia spoke up. "That one guy…Tesla…he seemed pretty confidant that she was going to be okay."

Helen turned to bright blue eyes staring at her. Two pairs. Halia and Olivia. She took in the similarities between them. They had certain features from John, and those were mostly the ones that they shared with Ashley as well. "We're going to work as hard as we can to get to that point," she told Halia quietly and then reached out to put an arm around the girl and pull her closer. "We all need sleep, though. Emotions are running high. We all need the time…Ashley isn't going anywhere. The sedation should last and we'll start things tomorrow…including…you and Henry figuring out what you want to do for schooling," Helen told her, trying to change the subject.

"There's a few programs I can do online in order to get my associates," Halia told her. "I could do a lot of the more basic classes from here…in Old City…and then go to the actual campus later for the other stuff…or just wait until I'm ready to get my bachelors…" She cringed a bit. "I honestly am not sure how well I'll do going back to school…"

"I'm sure you'll do brilliantly," John told her.

"You have a family here…and enough of us with a variety of backgrounds. It's practically a whole set of tutors for every subject," Helen told her. "And if all else fails, there's the library…"

"I've seen your library," Halia told her. "Not sure I'm too keen on having to go through all the books in there…"

"Fear not, I think that Henry and the Big Guy have been cataloging them all in the computer's database," Helen said with a smile. She turned to John. "We should go… She's going to be fine. It's set to release sedative in a timely manner. She's safe."

John nodded a bit reluctantly. "And you can see her with your cameras?"

"Yes, from any of the computers in the Sanctuary," Helen told him. She turned to Halia; she tried to keep a smile on her face. "What do you say to figuring out if anyone has decided if we're going to have dinner or not? Dinner and then bed I think is in order for everyone," she said, trying to change the subject.

She didn't need to dwell on things and neither did Halia or John. Helen knew that Halia wasn't a child that was scared off quickly, she'd learned that. Halia had been on her own for a time and though that was admirable, Helen believed that the girl deserved a bit of an end to her childhood. She didn't need to be stressed out. Soon enough, she'd have an older sister to talk to…and Helen was sure that Ashley would be all about teaching her little sister things she thought were important in life.

. . .

The night went on slowly.

She had wished that it would just whisk her off to the next morning. How she desperately wanted to go down to the SHU and work on analyzing what the Cabal had done to Ashley and to work towards a way to reverse it. Helen had tried to leave and break what she'd promised three times already and it wasn't even four in the morning yet. The first time, John had felt her move. He'd been sleeping next to her; Olivia wasn't far away safely tucked away in her crib. That's why she'd felt okay leaving her infant behind, John was right there in case she woke up.

How odd it was, if she'd been told five years before that she'd been in this same position she would never have believed it. Montague John Druitt had been a past nightmare and though he'd helped her with her work here and there when she'd called over the last four years, John was still very much a reminder of Whitechapel and the past. But now, she found herself quite comfortable having him by her side, tucked away in her bed. He wasn't the John Druitt that he had been after the source blood had been injected and he'd been infected by the energy elemental. No, this John Druitt was quiet and gentle (for the most part anyways) and very much like the man she'd fallen in love with.

The father of both of her children…and the child she gladly thought of as hers. She knew that she could wish for things to be different, better in some ways, but right now…it was pretty close to being perfect. Helen knew that she could wish for her father and James Watson to be returned to the land of the living, she'd be overjoyed to have them back in her life…but this was getting so much closer to the life that she'd been jealous of.

Helen sighed, there was no breaking rules tonight. After waking John, she'd run into Bigfoot and then Nikola on her attempts to make it to the SHU. They'd sent her straight back, even with her protests.

"You should sleep," John spoke sleepily. His voice was quiet and he reached out with a hand and ran it along her cheek.

"I know," she whispered. Helen didn't sleep as much as others did. She just didn't need to, but ever since she found out she was pregnant with Olivia, she'd been far more fatigued than normal. She knew her body was still recovering and all the emotional trauma hadn't helped. Honestly, she really needed to take this time to bond with Olivia and to just have mommy and baby time, but right now she just couldn't. Ashley needed her. She needed to be there. She needed to be part of it all. Helen couldn't just sit back and allow Nikola, Declan, and the others to work on it without her. She needed to be part of it. She'd just have to ensure that she could spend time with Olivia too. Helen was sure that John would help with that aspect.

"Ashley's fine right now," John said. "You said so yourself."

"I know I did," she told him.

"You're not going to do anyone any good if you don't get any sleep," John pointed out.

Helen sighed and turned to him. He was staring at her, his eyes just barely open. "I should have found her… I should have known," she told him quietly. Those were the thoughts that had haunted her. She'd lost hope and she'd moved on. Of course, they'd humored her with running scans and such, but there'd never been anything conclusive. Nothing had said, in cold hard facts, that Ashley was indeed dead. She'd just been forced to move on after finding no proof that she was alive. So, they'd had her memorial service and then John and Nikola had gone out and taken care of Cabal leaders all over. None of it had given them answers about Ashley and none of it had given them clues that she was still alive.

"I told you to let her go," John pointed out as he opened his eyes a bit more. He sat up a bit straighter. "Blame me for losing hope that she was alive."

"I don't blame you, John," she whispered and shook her head. "If I hadn't allowed it to be closed then…then where would we be now?"

"Then allow yourself to rest now…" he told her as he pulled her closer. John gently pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Ashley will understand…"

Helen pulled in a deep breath and then slowly let it go. She allowed herself to relax in his embrace and leaned her head back against his chest. She closed her eyes and tried to calm down, to get her mind to stop from racing. "She may not even remember…" she whispered.

"She may not." John was quiet for a moment and then spoke up again. "Would that honestly be so bad?"

"No, I suppose not," she replied.

Helen tried to think about the girls. All of them. Ashley and Halia and Olivia. She'd seen Ashley and Halia in the alternate universe she'd ended up making. Ashley and Halia had seemed happy. She hoped that they were happy here. Though Olivia wasn't present in that universe. That Helen had been married to James and had two beautiful children with him, Charley and Lucas, and were expecting another. They were so happy there…so she tried to think of how happy they'd all seemed and tried to bring that to her girls and herself. Happiness…this emotion that existed on so many levels.

Was she happy?

Did it matter?

Helen was sure that the better question was: would she be happy? She hoped so. Right now, she was still trying to come down from the rollercoaster of emotions, but her level of happiness could be thought about later… Right now, she needed to sleep. Snuggling closer, she breathed deep and tried to think simple thoughts. Eventually, the blackness of sleep overtook her.

. . .

"At least you were diligent," Tesla spoke up as he looked over results on the tablet he held.

Helen frowned a bit. Honestly, she didn't feel like they were getting anywhere. It was mainly just her and Nikola in the lab. Declan would drop by to make sure there wasn't anything he could do, but with a background mainly in combat medicine it wasn't his field. Henry and Erika had dropped by to make sure they couldn't help; the two were already working on changing around security systems. Halia was spending time with John and Olivia, which she thought was for the best. She was fairly certain that Bigfoot was attempting to fix things he'd been making a list of throughout the Sanctuary, that and avoiding Nikola…and at this moment she couldn't blame him for that.

"I tried to keep samples as best I could for everyone in the Sanctuary," Helen told him. "I was hoping at the very least we could use my DNA and John's."

"I thought about that as well," Nikola spoke up.

I was going to take time.

Time.

How she hated it right this moment.

"The best base would be from her previous results though," Helen said. She picked up a tablet nearby and brought up an inventory of every bit of DNA she had on file, procedure that had been conducted, and test result and then handed it over to Nikola. "There has to be something…"

"Have you compared Ashley's DNA with Olivia's?" he asked as he looked over the tablet.

Helen thought about it for a moment. There had been so much back and forth. She honestly didn't know if there were blood samples or DNA profiles on the computers there. "No…" she said quietly. She should have thought of that, after all, Olivia had the same mother and father as Ashley.

"You know how it works," Nikola said. "Blood relative is always good. Parents always hope to be helpful, but in the end siblings end up being far more helpful. Even though Halia's only a half-sibling, she may even prove helpful in this."

"Halia's information should already be on file," Helen told him.

"I searched under Druitt and all I found was information on John," Nikola said as he looked back over at her. "You do realize that Ashley, Halia, and Olivia are all his children, right? Traditionally—"

"Ashley didn't know about John until Rome…so she's listed in there as Ashley Magnus," Helen said quickly. Nikola was pushing buttons and she honestly didn't want to play games right now. "Halia is under Halia Tallis. She went by her stepfather's surname. I didn't think it necessary to change it. It's on all the legal paperwork that was sent here."

"And Olivia?"

"Nikola, since Olivia's been born…do you think I've had time to put her into the database? I honestly don't think there's even record of her blood type as of yet."

"Slacking…"

She pulled in breath and tried to remind herself that this was just how Nikola was. He liked to push buttons and she was sure that in ways this was uncomfortable for him. He was always one to help when it was really needed, but he'd much rather further his own agendas. "Nikola…how about I go and get Olivia? I'll get the necessary scans and blood samples and then we can work from there?"

"Fine, take the easy job," he huffed and then glanced back down at the tablet.

Helen was going to reply, but decided it was a better idea to just say nothing and to leave it at that. Sometimes Nikola got a bit bitter about his immortality and how it affected his ability to sleep and the effects of alcohol on his system.

She left her work area and headed upward into the Sanctuary. Upon leaving the elevator, she found herself being stopped by a very familiar voice. Smiling, Helen turned towards him.

"You look exhausted."

"I'm fine," she said and waved her hand.

"You should sleep."

Helen sighed. Everyone wanted her to sleep. "We've barely started on finding some kind of cure or treatment for Ashley," she told him.

He grunted. Biggie continued to dust, but would look over at her. "Is he really being that insufferable?" he questioned.

"Nikola?" she asked, but knew the answer already. "He's being…well, Nikola. My nerves are just more so frayed than normal, I think. My level of patience isn't where it usually is."

Nodding, Biggie shook his head. "Shouldn't let him wear you down so much. You have enough stress right now trying to help Ashley and trying to be a new mother to Olivia."

She smiled. He was so sweet to be so concerned about her. "I know," Helen said. "John and Halia are with her right now…"

He nodded and then looked down at the watch on his wrist. "If you hurry, you could probably make it to feed her. It's about time for her to be hungry," he said. He looked up with her with his big blue eyes. "Good time to spend with baby. Tesla can survive down there without you for a while longer."

He was right. And right now, she needed some quiet time. She needed time away from Nikola and away from the stress. It was heavy and she didn't want to bear it anymore. "Thank you," she said and looked down at her own watch. She hadn't even realized what time it was.

"And you need to eat too before you get back to work," he told her.

"Yes," she said with a slight frown.

He grunted again. "I'll make sure you get something sent to you."

"Thank you, Old Friend," she said sincerely. Helen flashed him a smile again before turning and heading in her original direction. She just hoped that John and Halia were still in her room. She wanted to be able to feed Olivia and maybe have a few minutes of silence.

She sucked in deep breaths as she walked, trying to push away the irritation and frustration that was building up inside of her after dealing with Nikola. She was sure that there would be more irritation and frustration with him, but right now she needed some peace. Peace was something so simple and often it seemed so unattainable. She would have it though, Helen told herself. She tried to force herself to calm even more as she headed down the hallway and kept an eye on her destination. The door was shut, but that meant nothing. Behind it, she just hoped that things would fall into place as she hoped.

Peace.

Silence.

That's all she wanted.

Just a little time…

. . .

TBC..


	3. Options

**Title:** Nosce te Ipsum

**Author:** Shannon – shannyfish

**Disclaimer:** I do not own "Sanctuary" or its characters, Syfy and other people do. This is merely for entertainment purposes only.

**Rating:** PG-13

**Summary:** To trust someone after such betrayal is hard and Magnus finds it almost impossible to be able to trust Will after such pain and deception. Nevertheless, they have to push forward and pursue the leads they have and pray that they can save Ashley.

Takes place after "Nova Vita".

**Warning:** Season 1-3 is fair for sure, if I have spoilers for 4, it's by complete accident.

**Author's Note:** I wrote for four months straight and now my brain is sort of like 'blah' and won't let me really be productive with writing…so bear with me if adding to this is slow!

. . .

**Chapter 3 – "Options"**

"Helen."

She heard her name, but ignored it. She just wanted to sleep. She knew that she shouldn't, that she should be awake and helping Tesla but she was just exhausted and that was it. But it wasn't Tesla's voice trying to rouse her, so she tried to just ignore the voice. John, he was trying to wake her. Why? Why couldn't she just sleep for a while longer?

"Helen," he spoke again. This time he shook her a bit.

Groaning, she opened her eyes and frowned up at him. Before she could say anything though, he was already speaking.

"Let's get you upstairs and into your own bed," John said gently. "Leave Tesla to this until the morning."

How long had she been sleeping? She straightened and looked around. She'd fallen asleep down at the table under the auto-assist. Tesla was looking over a tablet, again. "How long have I been asleep?" she asked, looking to Tesla for the answer.

"Hours," Tesla responded with little interest.

Helen rubbed her face and looked around. "I really should stay and help Nikola, John," she said as she tried to force herself to wake up completely. Right now, that was easier said than done.

Nikola sighed and set down the tablet he'd been holding and moved towards them. His attention turned to John. "Take her. I beg of you to take her out of this lab," Nikola pleaded. "Her hormones have been raging… We'll blame William for it later."

"I doubt her hormones are to blame," John responded with a smirk. "You can just be quite…trying is all."

She thought about arguing, but decided against it. Maybe Nikola was right. Maybe she needed to sleep. Maybe her hormones were out of wack and were making her seem off to everyone around her. She was sure it was possible. Helen hadn't been able to breastfeed or really connect with Olivia when she'd been born, she supposed that that could be a reasonable reason why her hormones were fluctuating. She could check on her levels and monitor them, but right now it wasn't a priority.

"Helen, perhaps he's right…" John said gently. "Tomorrow after a good night's sleep you'll be refreshed and fully ready to work with Nikola…"

"This is Ashley we're talking about," she found herself saying. It hurt to think about Ashley locked in the SHU and sedated. It wasn't how she wanted her daughter to live.

"I know…" he whispered and reached out, cradling his cheek with the palm of his hand. He was staring at her; she could see the concern in his eyes.

Helen thought for a moment. She looked over to where Nikola was still standing; he looked irritated and was obviously hoping that she'd go with John. "Perhaps you're right," she conceded. John wrapped an arm around her and she got to her feet and allowed him to lead her out of the lab area. Nikola seemed content and had gone right back to what he'd been doing.

Normally, she wouldn't allow John to treat her like this…like she was broken, but right now she knew that she needed his help. And honestly, John had been completely different since they'd contained the energy elemental. Helen had found herself letting down walls around him and allowing him trust she hadn't in some time.

"You should eat something," John told her as they entered the elevator. He reached out and pressed the button for the appropriate floor, but kept a firm hold on her.

"I think I'm too tired," Helen admitted.

"You should still eat something," he said gently. "Keep up your strength."

She didn't argue, but remained silent. She was exhausted. Nikola was right about her not being any help to him down there. Helen could barely keep her eyes open as John led her around. It suddenly hit her as they exited the elevator. Where was Olivia? She wasn't with John and she hadn't seen her sine early that morning.

"Olivia," she breathed, slight panic taking her over.

John held her tighter as he guided her in the direction of her room. "Steady, Helen. Your Bigfoot butler has her… She's perfectly safe."

She relaxed at the knowledge that her old friend had Olivia. He'd been there when Ashley was an infant and knew enough about little ones. Olivia would be safe and well taken care of with him. "I should have made time for her…" she whispered.

"You're distracted," John said as he pushed open her bedroom door. "You're still recovering from the accelerated pregnancy and having Olivia…and everything that Will put you through… We just found out that our daughter that we thought was dead is actually alive…and you found my other daughter. I'm sure they'll understand that this is a lot for even you, Helen," he said gently. "Henry and Erika have been spending time with Halia…apparently they have a lot in common. Your Bigfoot and I have been taking care of Olivia and Halia and the others have been chipping in as well. The girls aren't being ignored, Helen."

He was right, she knew that. Deep down, Helen just wished that she was stronger. She wanted to be able to balance sleep, time with Olivia, and time in the lab with Nikola in hopes that they could release Ashley from her sedated state. It did ease her worries that the girls were being taken care of in her absence, but she still felt a little guilty feeling so weak. "I just…"

"This is not the time to stretch yourself thin," John told her. "You to eat and rest…and know that things will all work out."

Helen sat on the edge of the bed and let out a sigh. She still wasn't so used to this calmer and more logical John. It was going to take some getting used to. "But Ashley…"

John kneeled down in front of her and removed her heels one at a time. "Ashley is not going to be very happy to wake up and find that her mother has completely exhausted herself to the point of making herself sick. And she'll be smart enough to know how far you'll have pushed yourself to get to that point." He set the pair of heels aside and out of the way before getting to his feet. "I'm going to get you something to eat. Something small, but you need something."

She just nodded. Helen started to undress, starting with her cardigan sweater. She just laid it on the bed next to her and let out another sigh. She reached up and rubbed her face, trying to force herself to stay awake for a little bit longer. Lying back, she expected herself to just close her eyes for a few minutes…just until John returned. But things didn't go as Helen had planned, sleep took her over and she couldn't fight it anymore.

What brought her out of her deep state of sleep, she wasn't quite sure. John's voice had been present, but then she'd been moved around as well, and then there was a wonderful smell filling her room. She opened her eyes just a bit and stared at John. It took her a moment but she realized that he'd moved her from where she'd fallen asleep before. She was now properly in her bed and tucked in. It took Helen another moment to realize that she'd been undressed and put into sleeping clothes. Normally, this would have irritated her, but not tonight… John probably had seen no harm in it since they'd been so close lately. He was only trying to take care of her.

"The Bigfoot wouldn't let me prepare you something on my own, I had to just wait there for him to make you something," John explained as he pulled a tray from the nearby table and handed her over a small bowl of soup. 

She could feel his eyes on her as she slowly ate. He handed her a small piece of bread which she ate as she continued with the soup. Maybe John had been right, though she was still exhausted; she had to admit that she felt a bit better. Once she was done, John took the bowl and spoon from her and set them back on the tray.

"Sleep Helen," John said gently as he brushed hair away from her face. "Olivia is being taken care of…"

"Stay for a while?" she requested as she moved down in the bed, so that her head could lie flat rather than sitting up in her bed. She watched as John moved and lay down next to her, an arm gently wrapping around her. He placed a kiss on her forehead and she closed her eyes.

"Sleep," he whispered.

. . .

Waking up in her room, she found herself unusually well rested (at least it had been unusual for the last couple of weeks). Helen sat up and looked around. She was alone. She'd hoped that perhaps John would have brought back Olivia and would be in the room when she woke. That wasn't the case. Pushing back the covers, she got out of bed and moved to her closet where she quickly dressed.

Today was going to be better than the previous. She was determined to try to balance things better. She wanted to start off with spending at least some time with Olivia. She dressed and fixed her hair, brushed her teeth, and did her make-up before finally exiting her room. Over time, she'd found out the quickest way to get ready and yet still look as good as she always did.

It was early, early enough that the whole of the Sanctuary would be eating breakfast right now, so she made her way down to the dining hall in hopes that John and Olivia would be there. Of course, she would also drink some tea and have something to eat.

In the dining hall was who she'd expected. Halia, Henry, and Erika were sitting together, laughing about something. John and Bigfoot were nearby, currently Bigfoot had Olivia cradled in his hairy arms as he fed her a bottle. At least John was eating; she supposed that was a good sign. Declan was also present, it was good to see him, she hadn't seen him in a while but assumed he was still around. Tesla was nowhere to be seen, but wine wasn't something that was normally served at dinner.

The ones she really hadn't seen in days were Abby, Will, or Kate. Helen knew that they were still around. She hadn't expected them to leave, though. She was still very angry with Will, but she hadn't expected them to just not leave their rooms. Perhaps it was because of the others though…perhaps they'd shunned them. Later, she'd attend to them, but not right now. Right now she was going to have breakfast and spend time with Olivia…she'd go and help Nikola in the lab…and once she had Ashley back…she'd talk to them all.

"Eat," Bigfoot told her as he motioned towards the food prepared in the middle of the table.

Helen nodded with a slight smile. She'd found a sit near Bigfoot, John, and Declan. She'd been hoping that he'd be willing to hand her daughter over, but he was right…she did need to eat. So, she dished up some food and poured herself a cup of tea.

She joined in some of the conversation and found herself laughing. It was so nice, but at the same time, there were missing pieces. It wasn't the same. Maybe this was how it had to be though… Maybe they needed some time. She was far too used to Will and Kate being present…and on occasion Abby. This group had become her family. No matter what, she cared for them all.

"Heavy thoughts…" John whispered.

She turned to him to realize that everyone was silent and looking her way. "I'm sorry," she found herself apologizing. "I was just…thinking…"

"Henry was asking you something," John informed her.

"Sorry," she said again, turning her attention to him.

"I was just asking how things were going with Ashley…" Henry repeated.

"Honestly, I'm not sure we've gotten very far," she admitted. "I've been exhausted and I'm afraid not a lot of help to Nikola. I'll head down there though in a short while."

Henry nodded.

She understood his impatience. She was impatient as well. Helen wanted so badly to just have Ashley awake and with her again. It would come in time, though. Between her and Nikola, she was sure that they could figure something out. It was just going to take time.

Olivia was placed into her arms and the other half of the bottle was handed to her. Helen smiled and happily fed her. Olivia's bright blue eyes blinked at her and she swore she could see the smiling through her daughter's eyes.

How simple was this moment, but it was so perfect.

. . .

"At least you're more pleasant today," Nikola commented.

"You're not," she pushed back. "My wine cellar must be empty."

Nikola shrugged. "It helps me think."

Helen smiled a little as she looked over to Nikola. He was stressing over something on a tablet he'd been staring at since she'd gotten down there. "Fear not. More wine is on its way."

"Well, at least your help is good this visit."

She moved to his side and peered at the tablet. "What are you studying?"

"The DNA scan of Ashley before…and then Olivia's. I think I may be able to use these in order to scrub out the unwanted DNA," Nikola told her. "I have no idea how it's going to work, though. I mean, I could probably use the device that I made to stop the super abnormals, but I have no idea if this is going to be effective and if it's going to require more than one treatment."

"Even if we could just give her control back of her mind to start with," Helen told him. It was really what she was more concerned about. Reversing the vampirism in her was something that they could work on. The teleportation was something that she was sure Ashley was born with and just hadn't ever harnessed the power.

Nikola pointed towards the monitor on which they were watching Ashley. "I've already introduced something to hopefully bring her personality back to the Ashley you remember. Not sure if it's working yet… I was hoping to get a few doses in her before easing her out of sedation."

He was right. There was a reason they had Ashley sedated. It meant that they were putting the whole facility (and possibly the world) at risk if they were to release Ashley without the proper dosage of a drug to un-control her.

"The real question is: are you ready for Ashley to be back?" Nikola asked.

"Of course I am," she said quickly, facing him directly. "What kind of question is that?"

"You mourned her death three…four years ago…" Nikola said. "There have been incidents that have brought up her memory…her death… Are you sure you're really ready to have her back?"

"She's my daughter," Helen told him. "It's like a dream come true to have another chance to have her back."

"I'm just saying…I think you need to be preparing yourself…" he told her. "The Ashley who we are able to bring back to her old self may not be the same exact Ashley you remember. There are risks with everything."

"I'm aware of that. That's why we're being so cautious…it's possible we'll only have one chance with her DNA structure."

"And have you discussed this with John?" Nikola asked.

"When have I had the time?" she asked. "Plus, John trusts us to do what we think is right and necessary."

Nikola shrugged. "You two have been spending quite a lot of time together. I mean, I've run into him sneaking out of your bedroom in the middle of the night. And here I thought the conception of Olivia was going to be a one time thing…perhaps I should expect more offspring on the way?"

Helen glared at him slightly. "He's been taking care of Olivia…and making sure that I eat and sleep. Try to keep your jealousy in check."

"I'm not jealous," Nikola said. "We practically have a love child."

She blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Henric," Nikola said. "He's like the love child we never had. Of course, pre-source blood…and obviously the HAP DNA has to be from your side."

Helen sighed and shook her head. "Can't possibly be from your side, huh?" she played along.

"Please, Helen," Nikola said with some exhaustion. "This isn't _Underworld_…or _Twilight_…or some nonsense like that."

"Can we please get back to work?" she asked after a moment.

"You need to look over what I've been thinking and figure out if that's the direction you want to go in," Nikola told her, pushing the tablet into her hands. "It doesn't need to be a snap decision. Ashley isn't going anywhere."

Helen was about to open her mouth when Nikola just walked out of the lab. She watched him go and was going to say something again, but didn't. Maybe he was right. This was something that had to be thought out. It couldn't be rushed into. This was Ashley's life that was going to be affected. They needed to make the right choice.

She sat down in a nearby chair and stared to go over the tablet. It was a difficult task to take what the Cabal had done to Ashley and reverse it. Not only had they manipulated her DNA, but they'd pushed into her a substance in order to keep control of her. Of course, Ashley had fought it. Tears came to her eyes as she remembered moments before Ashley died. Ashley fought the mind control in order to save her…and right before her daughter disappeared for what she thought would be forever…her blue eyes had returned for a moment.

But would this work?

And could she go through with it?

. . .

TBC…


	4. Family

**Title:** Nosce te Ipsum

**Author:** Shannon – shannyfish

**Disclaimer:** I do not own "Sanctuary" or its characters, Syfy and other people do. This is merely for entertainment purposes only.

**Rating:** PG-13

**Summary:** To trust someone after such betrayal is hard and Magnus finds it almost impossible to be able to trust Will after such pain and deception. Nevertheless, they have to push forward and pursue the leads they have and pray that they can save Ashley.

Takes place after "Nova Vita".

**Warning:** Season 1-3 is fair for sure, if I have spoilers for 4, it's by complete accident.

**Author's Note:** I wrote for four months straight and now my brain is sort of like 'blah' and won't let me really be productive with writing…so bear with me if adding to this is slow!

. . .

**Chapter 4 – "Family"**

"You seem rested at least," John said as he reached out and took her hand.

Helen hadn't been listening and snapped her head to John. "What? I'm sorry, John."

He smiled at her. "I said that at least you seem rested…but you're a million miles away." He squeezed her hand for a moment and just continued to smile at her.

"I'm sorry," she apologized again. "I was just thinking."

"About Ashley?"

Helen nodded. "About Ashley…about Halia…about Olivia…about you…" She was staring over where Henry and Erika were entertaining Halia and Olivia. She was sure that Olivia didn't need entertaining at such an extremely young age, but she could see the smile on her baby's face and that was good enough. Halia absolutely adored Henry and Erika, so at least there was a match between them. It made things all around easier.

"I know you and Nikola will figure something out, Helen," John said. "I never did much in Oxford."

She smiled a little and looked back at him. "Honestly, I'd feel a little better if James and Nigel were here to at least bounce ideas off of." Helen was silent for a moment; she hadn't brought up to John what Nikola had told her earlier. And though, in all honesty she felt like she had every right to make the decision on her own…she and John had grown close once again. John was Ashley's father, and at the same time she felt like he deserved to at least hear it before they did anything.

"Nikola brought a possible treatment option to me earlier," she spoke up quietly after a few moments. "He's already administered a drug treatment in order to hopefully ensure that Ashley's no longer under anyone's control."

"What do you think of the treatment?" John asked.

Helen stared at him. "I honestly don't know," she whispered. Helen looked down for a moment and pulled in a breath. "I want to believe that it'll work…but at the same time, I feel like I'm too close to this…"

"Trust yourself, Helen," he told her. "I trust that you both know what you're doing." He paused for a moment. "I will admit, though, that I trust you more."

She smiled in response.

"Nikola loves you, you know… He may not ever be able to be at a point where he feels like he could actually have a relationship with you, but he would never let you down. Not intentionally. Even though Ashley is our daughter, I don't think that Nikola would do anything that might endanger her."

"You missed our conversation earlier where he apparently is willing to claim Henry as our love child…apparently conceived before we took the source blood," Helen told him. "He was quite particular about that point."

John laughed.

She smiled brightly at him. It was good to see him so happy. She'd missed this side of John. It had been so long since she'd seen him like this. In a way she missed those times. When they lived in England, when they went to Oxford…John was so happy then and so was she, and how she missed all of her friends.

"So, you're going to try this treatment?" John asked a few minutes later. They'd paused and just watched the children.

Helen nodded slowly. "I suppose so, yes."

"You're reluctant?"

"I'm worried, John."

"I told you, you just have to trust yourself."

"This could be the only chance we have to try a treatment…what if it's not right?" she asked.

John reached out and touched her face. "She's going to be fine, Helen."

"I wish I had your confidence."

"I have a question, though."

Helen stared at him. "Oh?"

"Will she still be able to teleport after the treatment?" he asked. "I worry that if there's a problem that she'll try to escape that way."

It was a valid question. She and Nikola hadn't talked about all her powers in detail. She was sure that it was probably easier for Nikola; he had never really met Ashley. Not the Ashley that she raised and loved. He didn't know her like others knew her. If James was alive and helping them, she had a feeling that he'd have problems too. "I honestly don't know. She should have inherited your abilities as well… As far as I know she just never knew about them and thus never learned how to use them."

"But now she knows."

"If she remembers," Helen pointed out. "There's a chance that everything may be a blur. She may not even know that three years have passed. She may not remember what the Cabal did to her or what they made her do." She paused for a moment. "I almost wish that she wakes up confused and doesn't remember anything."

"If it doesn't work, though…what the Cabal did to her…she's quite dangerous," John pointed out.

"Nikola plans on reducing the amount of sedation just enough so that she wakes up drowsy. He's hoping that I will be able to talk to her and gauge if she's really Ashley," Helen tried to explain. "He wants to make sure that the control drug has been broken. Obviously we've seen that her eyes were amber colored and when she had broken through it for a moment they returned to blue." She paused for a moment to look at him again. "But we have to be absolutely sure…"

"Do you want me to be there?" he asked.

She hadn't thought about it. Helen had already planned on asking Declan to be there in case they needed assistance. She was sure there would be no problem there. She'd thought about asking Bigfoot, but she worried that it would be hard on him as much as it would be on her. It would be like asking Henry to be there. She just couldn't bring herself to do it.

"You don't have to be there," she whispered.

"I wouldn't want to be a distraction," John explained. "But I want to be there if it would help things…"

"I just honestly don't know, John," Helen told him honestly. "It's hard for me to even take in that I might…we might have Ashley back tomorrow."

"We will," he whispered.

She was sure that he was happy at the thought of being a family again. Even before the knowledge that Ashley was alive, they'd already pushed back towards the idea of being a family. Helen had pushed to find Halia and then they'd conceived another child together. It was true; she knew that she'd dropped her wall while she was around John. At moments, she chastised herself and reminded herself of the John she'd known for most of her lifetime. But how could she really ignore the beautiful times they'd had? How could she ignore the true source of the evil that had corrupted his soul for so long?

He was the father of both of her children.

There was a bond between them.

"We should get the girls to bed," she said.

John reached out and placed his hand on her hand again. "Let them be for a little longer… They deserve it. Look at how happy they are."

She smiled as she took in Halia and Henry playing with lightsabers now. The two were having a ball while Erika walked Olivia around the room, skillfully avoiding Henry and Halia's fight. "A little longer…"

. . .

"You two are amazing with the girls," Helen told Henry as they sat together. John had taken Olivia and Erika had said she was going to walk Halia up to her room before turning in herself. Henry had stayed behind to chat with her. It seemed like he was one of her children she needed to make time for, it had bothered her a bit that she and John had stayed separated, but their talk was necessary at the same time.

"Well, we're family," Henry said. "Plus, Halia reminds me a little of Ashley… She's just far geekier than Ash. We have fun together and I think it helps her with the whole moving and then being thrown into this…well….Sanctuary business."

Helen nodded. "I still appreciate it. You have no idea the guilt I've been feeling focusing on Ashley—"

"And actually sleeping yourself?"

She smiled a little. "John mentioned that, did he?"

Henry nodded and smiled in return. "I know you don't normally sleep that much, but you've been through a lot. You have to give yourself a break here and there. Halia does understand. She's been on her own for a while, so we've been just hanging out… She mainly doesn't want to disappoint you or Druitt."

"Me?"

"You're the one who came for her," Henry pointed out.

"But John's her father."

Henry shrugged. "She knows the whole story, remember? About the Halia through the looking glass? She was raised by you, Watson, and Druitt. Wanting a family is something I think we all want."

"I don't think she can still fully understand that world—"

"We've had time to explain the best we can about it, remember?" Henry asked. "She's not the same Halia but I figured she should know that we wanted to be there for her."

Helen just nodded in response.

"You know, you've taught me that family is everything," Henry said after a few moments of silence. "For as long as I can remember…you, Biggie, and Ashley have been my family. I just want Halia to know that as well."

"Ashley will be okay," Helen tried to assure. She was doing it for herself and for Henry. She wondered if having Erika there and having Halia to hang out with was what was distracting him from focusing on Ashley.

"You found something to help her, didn't you?"

Helen looked directly at him. "Nikola has come up with a treatment. We're going to start it tomorrow and I hope that it'll restore Ashley to her old self."

"Do I need to put together some kind of jamming device to keep anyone from controlling her? I know Druitt and Tesla took care of the Cabal three years ago, but there could still be someone out there monitoring things," Henry told her.

"Nikola's already administered medication in hopes that it's broken the hold the Cabal used to have on her. We won't know until tomorrow," Helen told him. "We're going to test it before we start the treatment."

"Is that wise?"

Helen shrugged. "Honestly, I don't know… It's one thing to give Ashley back control of her actions and another to adjust her DNA… So, I guess we're just taking it one step at a time."

"She'll be out of there in no time," Henry said, trying to sound confident. "Just wait until Ashley and Halia are together. We're going to be in store for a lot of trouble."

Helen smiled brightly at him. "I won't mind that kind of trouble." It was honest, she wouldn't care if they managed to break every vase in her Sanctuary…she would just be happy to see Halia and Ashley together…and to just have Ashley generally back.

"Have you spoken to Will, Abby, or Kate?" she asked. She'd been back and forth about bringing them up, but she hoped that Henry knew something. She'd been thinking about them and thought that now was as good as any to check in about them.

"I spoke to Will yesterday…briefly," he said. "It was pretty awkward."

"Oh?" Currently she couldn't think of any way for a conversation with Will not to be awkward. He'd put her through a lot and kept a truth from her. She didn't trust him and she really couldn't bring herself to seeing herself putting her trust in him again.

"He was trying to explain why he did what he did," Henry said. "And on one hand I sortive understand…but then I really don't approve of what he did…to you and Olivia… " Henry frowned as he thought about it. "It's one thing for him to be looking out for you, but it's another to do it the way he did it. You went through a lot in that medical facility Declan pulled you three from…you didn't need what Will did added to that."

"I'm sure he still feels like he did what was right," Helen said. "Even if we don't approve."

"What are you going to do?" Henry asked.

"I honestly don't know, Henry," she responded quietly.

And she didn't.

She had no clue.

Her team had been with the Sanctuary for varying times. Kate had been there for three years, Will had been there for four, while Henry had been there for practically his whole life. Though Abby and Erika were both relatively new and not really immediately connected to the Sanctuary, they'd both only been around for about two years. Declan, however, had been away for some time, though he'd been in London under Watson's tutelage.

But none of that helped her in knowing what she should do next. How would she deal with the betrayal and the hurt? That was for another day, though. Not today.

. . .

TBC…


	5. Ashley

**Title:** Nosce te Ipsum

**Author:** Shannon – shannyfish

**Disclaimer:** I do not own "Sanctuary" or its characters, Syfy and other people do. This is merely for entertainment purposes only.

**Rating:** PG-13

**Summary:** To trust someone after such betrayal is hard and Magnus finds it almost impossible to be able to trust Will after such pain and deception. Nevertheless, they have to push forward and pursue the leads they have and pray that they can save Ashley.

Takes place after "Nova Vita".

**Warning:** Season 1-3 is fair for sure, if I have spoilers for 4, it's by complete accident.

**Author's Note:** I wrote for four months straight and now my brain is sort of like 'blah' and won't let me really be productive with writing…so bear with me if adding to this is slow!

. . .

**Chapter 5 – "Ashley"**

"Are you always this unpleasant?" Declan questioned.

"Hey now, remember, I said I liked you," Nikola told him. "Don't screw that up."

Helen just shook her head from where she worked. Declan had come in, hoping to be a third set of eyes, though Nikola had pointed out an inferior set. It couldn't hurt, she thought. It wasn't like they had the whole Sanctuary Network's doctors at their disposal. Not this time. Not for this. She couldn't trust anyone but those who had been with her, not until she figured out where loyalties lay.

So far, they were in agreement. What they had was the best chance Ashley had…unless they were willing to wait… Helen honestly didn't know if she could sanely deal with that. She trusted Nikola to do what was best. And he'd tell her honestly if he didn't think it would work. He wouldn't jump the gun on something like this, not with her emotions and John's anger coming into play if things went sideways.

"Helen?"

She knew what he wanted. He wanted her answer. He wanted to know if she was ready to proceed. They'd already discussed the need to take some precautions. Stunners were already ready and present in the lab. They would take things slowly and cautiously. She knew all that. It didn't make her feel any better though.

"We can start," Helen whispered and turned to face Nikola. He was staring at her, she was sure he was gauging her response. She was worried, but that couldn't be avoided. This was her daughter…and she didn't want to mourn her again. Not in her lifetime.

"Are you absolutely sure about this, Magnus?" Declan asked.

She turned her head towards Declan to find him picking up a stunner. She knew this was what they had to do. She knew this was what needed to be done. She knew that. Deep down, she knew it at least. It was still hard. Helen hated to think that her Ashley couldn't be recovered from what the Cabal did, but she knew that she couldn't stay sane waiting until they found what she felt like was the perfect treatment. She had to trust Nikola.

"It's okay, Declan," she said with a nod.

"Just so we're clear," Nikola spoke up. "I highly doubt your stunners are going to do anything if this turns out that we end up with the Cabal version of Ashley."

Declan glared slightly. "Always have the glass half empty?"

"Realist," Nikola corrected.

"How do we know if it's worked? If it's really Ashley and not the Cabal experiment?" Declan questioned, looking between Tesla and Magnus.

"Well, physically…her eyes should be blue instead of amber," he said matter of factly. "And then the rest…is going to be up to Helen to know."

"I'll know if it's Ashley," Helen spoke up a moment later. Honestly, she wasn't sure if that was true or not, but she had to believe in it. When Ashley had pushed through the Cabal's hold before, she'd seen and briefly talked to her Ashley. It was only mere seconds, but in those seconds…she'd been Ashley. So, she knew that somewhere…Ashley was alive.

Declan moved back so that he was out of the way, but readied the stunner. "I still don't think I like this…"

"Now, who's all 'the glass is half empty'?" Nikola asked as he turned to Declan. "I used to like you… I don't know if I do anymore."

Helen was already tired with this. She wanted to get it on with…and over with. Her heart was beating loud enough she could hear it in her ears and she found herself not wanting to breathe. How she wished the others were here…something about The Five had always made her feel like things would work out. Right now it was her and Nikola…she could have asked John to come along, but she feared that things wouldn't go as planned and she didn't want him there if that happened.

"I'm starting to dial down the sedation," Nikola announced. "Let's see if phase one worked." Silence overtook the room for a few minutes as their eyes all focused on Ashley's still form. "It's going to take a few minutes."

"Stimulant?" Helen questioned.

"I'm going to give it a minute and then administer a minute dose," Nikola said. "Ashley's yours and John's… I don't think we need to risk a full dose."

Helen watched patiently as Nikola approached Ashley. He was cautious and she couldn't blame him for that. They really didn't know what to expect. The IV was injected with the stimulant and he quickly moved back to where he'd been standing before. It was her turn now. She needed to know if this was her Ashley.

Slowly, she moved forward towards where Ashley was still securely strapped in place. Helen stood there, studying her face…how hard this was. When she looked at her, she knew it was her daughter…but past events forced her to remember what the Cabal had done. She couldn't allow herself to forget that. There was far too much at stake, it wasn't just her hopes…or her heart… Ashley, if she was unchanged, would pose as an extreme threat to the whole Sanctuary Network and abnormals all over the world.

The waiting was the hardest. Minutes passed, but they seemed like so much longer. It dragged…it wasn't just time that was dragging…it felt like her soul was being sucked away with each passing moment. She just stared at Ashley's face, pushing herself to keep the tears and fears that wanted to well and push through down. Helen pulled in breath and tried to steady herself.

Her eyes opened, revealing blue eyes filled with confusion. Silence continued to fill the room. Helen found it harder now to keep the tears back. She couldn't just take the change in eye color as proof that this was her Ashley. "How are you feeling?" she asked, trying to sound as calm as possible. This was her daughter; Ashley would know that there was something wrong. There would be far too many red flags that would pop up the clearer her head got.

"Mom?" Ashley managed to get out at first. Her eyes were blinking and she was testing the restraints. "What's going on?"

This was so much harder. She'd thought that she could handle this. It sounded like Ashley, but Helen still had to know for sure. It wasn't enough for her to know for sure. She had to wait it out and see if this really was her Ashley. "What do you remember?" she asked, hoping that this Ashley would answer her question. Her previous question had gone unanswered, but Helen could understand why. This was a lot for Ashley to take in.

"I don't know," Ashley said, her voice was a little groggy. "Bits and pieces of things…it's not really clear."

"Focus," Nikola spoke up from behind.

Helen turned to glare at him and he held up his hands in defense.

"Just trying to help."

"Ashley, it's okay," Helen tried to assure. She didn't want her daughter to think that she was upset with her because she wasn't. None of this was Ashley's fault; in fact, if anyone was to blame it was her and John. If not for their source blood DNA then Ashley wouldn't have been a victim of the Cabal. "The Cabal experimented on you," Helen told her truthfully even though it was difficult. "We thought you were lost…but Will found you. Nikola and I are just trying to make sure that things are being restored to how they once were."

"I hurt you," Ashley choked out as tears filled her eyes and streamed down her face. "I'm so sorry, Mom."

Helen couldn't hold back her tears any longer either; she wanted to hold her daughter so badly. "It's alright," she tried to assure further. She reached out and touched Ashley's cheek. How much she wanted to tell them that they needed to release her, but she knew they couldn't. Not right now. Not yet.

"What did they do to me?" she asked.

"They transformed you using pure source blood," Helen said. "And then used your DNA to imprint people that had been made 'blank slates' years ago." She swallowed and told herself that she really needed to remain calm for Ashley. "It's going to be okay. This is the phase one…making sure that the Cabal no longer have control of you. There's a treatment that Nikola has devised to shift your DNA so that only your original DNA remains."

"Are you sure she's Ashley?" Nikola spoke up.

"Yes," Helen confirmed, not taking her eyes off of Ashley.

"Will it hurt?" Ashley asked.

"I don't know," she told her honestly. Helen looked back to Nikola, who merely shrugged.

"It's not like I tested it on myself," Nikola said. "I assume fixing DNA may hurt, but I can't tell you to what degree." After Helen turned back to Ashley and was silent for several minutes, Nikola sighed and then spoke up again. "Don't forget to mention that darling daughter has to stay here for a while…restrained…while I administer the treatment."

She didn't hear him coming, she just felt his arms around her as he pulled her back and away from Ashley. Helen fought, but her heart wasn't in it. "Come now," Declan spoke in her ear quietly. "Let's not scare her." He moved her back and Nikola positioned his device so that it was aimed at Ashley and began the bursts and scans. It was supposed to take some time, she knew that…but she couldn't help but want her Ashley back now. To be able to hold her in her arms and just cry.

"She needs me," Helen cried out softly as Ashley convulsed a bit, pain evident on her face. She pulled against Declan, but he held her firmly in place.

"You might want to take her out of here, this is going to take a while," Nikola spoke up. "I would rather not experience her overloading mothering hormones again. You can send someone else in with a glass of wine for me as well."

Declan rolled his eyes and led her out. There was nothing she could do, they were right. There was nothing more she could do there, but she couldn't help but feel like she was abandoning Ashley.

"I bet that Olivia's still awake," Declan said.

He knew exactly what to say sometimes. She wondered if it was something he'd picked up from James, a special skill that not many knew. She was feeling guilty about ignoring Olivia and Halia and now that Nikola had effectively kicked her out she was feeling guilty about leaving Ashley there alone.

"It's really Ashley," she whispered.

Declan wrapped an arm around her as they stood in the elevator. "I know, Love," he said quietly. "But Tesla's already expressed that she's not going to be ready to be released from the SHU for at least twenty-four hours, if not longer. We have to be sure and I know that you of all people know the importance of that."

"I know," Helen said. "That doesn't make it easier though."

"You haven't told anyone yet," Declan pointed out. "I'm sure Druitt and your team would appreciate the information. Druitt especially."

"How can I tell them when Nikola hasn't completed the treatment?" Helen questioned. She stepped out of the elevator and turned to him. "It's not fair."

"It's not fair for you to have to bear the weight of it either," Declan pointed out.

. . .

TBC…


End file.
